Sexologists and psychotherapists talk about the causes of erectile dysfunction and how to overcome them.
Increased potency, or where did "male power" go?
The internet and TV are full of advertisements for "magic" pills and potions that promise to restore "male strength" and get rid of erectile dysfunction. As we all know, supply comes from demand. What happened - why are men "spoiled"? Are the Internet and social networks "more interesting" than real women? Or maybe the ladies themselves are to blame, as their gentlemen have less and less desire to be a man, and a desire to fulfill that desire?
A leading sexologist and psychotherapist answered these and other questions to our reporter.
If a man isn't interested in a particular woman and sex in general, it's impotence. . . is that fair?
- The term "impotence" was excluded from the World Classification of Diseases and replaced by "erectile dysfunction". Nonetheless, the term "impotence" is indeed common in everyday life. Literally means "without power". For men, this is a very important area. If there is a failure in it, then in almost every case, whatever the main reason, there is a psychological element. Men only see symptoms, results. They refer to the loss or weakening of erections during sexual intimacy. Of course, as a rule, emotional components are added to these complaints. Men can be anxious or even depressed. No matter what women think of men, the truth is, they want to be successful not only in work, but in personal life as well.
There's a lot of talk of "getting younger" with impotence these days. Is that right?
- I have 16 years of practice in this industry and I can rely not only on statistics but also on my own observations. In fact, over the past 10 to 15 years, it can be noticed that the average age of our patients has decreased. More and more young people are participating. At the beginning of my career, the average patient age was 40, now it is 35.
When a man "can't and doesn't want to", what's to blame in the first place: physical, psychological, or maybe social?
- Usually there is no single cause. When I speak to a patient, I try to understand his lifestyle - how is he in his mood, is he getting enough sleep, is he having a midlife crisis? What is his attitude in the intimate realm and what is his partner's behavior? After all, women who don't seduce, for example, only ask to fulfill "marriage obligations" are often one of the causes of psychogenic erectile dysfunction. In practice, anxiety-expectation syndrome of sexual failure often occurs. In this state, the man is stubborn, and he is already waiting for her next time. Sex became his test. And if a woman consciously or unconsciously "fuels the fire", sexual neurosis is formed. Men turn on "avoidance behavior. "Some people hit work or alcoholism. Some - involuntarily provoking an argument with his wife, so the idea of intimacy would seem ridiculous. Confused men sometimes choose a different approach instead of seeing a doctor. And exacerbate problems and relationships with partners, wives. And divorce is not far away. Some people go to a urologist because of their illiteracy, but it is necessary - a sex doctor.
Not "could" or "won't"?Women are often tormented by the question: What's more important - "can't" or "don't want to"?
- as they say, one won't interfere with the other - you can "don't want" and "can't" at the same time. But it's important to remember that an erection is first and foremost a clear indicator of "I want", not "I can. "But even this "want" is not infinite. Much depends on the sexual makeup, that is, the temperament of a man.
Is it that men themselves often fail to notice the problem and even accuse women of "wanting too much" of him?
- You can ask men for compliments and eroticism - for example, kisses, gentle touches. And erections do not obey will. Neither the will of the woman nor the will of the man. Once the word or idea "should" comes up, that's where the road to a dead end begins.
They're talking more and more about the effects of stress on modern people - is the realm of intimacy really so scary?
- certainly. In stressful situations, nature is against conception. And reduce the degree of attractiveness through hormonal mechanisms. Stress levels rise - levels of the anti-stress hormone prolactin rise, which, in turn, suppresses the production of testosterone, the hormone that produces libido in both men and women. As a result, the derealization of the sexual sphere takes place.
The hostess is the mother.They say that a man's ability to "be a man" depends on his upbringing and his relationship with his mother - is this true?
- no doubt! The first female archetype of a boy is the mother. It was she who laid the foundation for a relationship with the opposite sex. Every woman who wants a happy child, especially a boy, should breastfeed her child for at least the first year of life. It is during this period that positive and negative, open or cautious attitudes towards women are formed. A mother is first and foremost a woman. If the family is incomplete and the mother tries to play the roles of both parents, the child will not see female or male behavior because of it. . . As a result, his experience of communicating with the opposite sex can be negative. It's a direct path to isolation, disappointment. . . and, isolation may not be literal, but emotional. For example, a man can change partners endlessly and remain alone. In sexology, this is called promiscuity, or promiscuity without the ability to form a deep emotional relationship. Therefore, if one dreams of a strong and happy family, these situations need to be studied in depth.
What are the most common mistakes mothers raising boys make?
- Boys must see an example of male behavior. If not in the family, then in the sports section. Finally, there are uncles, grandfathers. But ideally, of course, there should be a boy whose mother loves his father. Excessive supervision, pressure, orders are dangerous. They are full of teenage childish and feminine behavior.
Getting married - just for love! Some women are obsessed with their appearance and will do anything to please their husbands. Some people stop taking care of themselves and focus entirely on family and children. Maybe a woman in general acts so "wrong" that her man loses interest in intimacy?
- A lot depends on a woman, whether positive or negative. For example, you can show up to your husband in untidy clothes, blame him for sexual failure (though if you think about it, it's not his failure, it's her failure), and instead of supporting him, you humiliate him, "finished" with words and all your actions, the result is: he wants nothing! So, to young women who come to see me, I often say: "Marry for love, respect your man, praise him and he will move mountains for you! " Clean looks, good body shape, fragrance, grooming are always plus pointsitem. But some women's panic-obsessed obsession with appearance is already a matter of women's self-esteem and relationships. After all, if people are attracted to each other only because of their bodies, that's the "castrated" version of human love. To have the desire of the soul, one has to be interested not only in the bed, but also outside the bed.
These "horrible" businesswomen. Does a socially successful woman not attract men, but scare them away? After all, where did the army of beautiful, smart, successful lonely women come from? Why do men avoid them?
- It's not about success, it's about behavior patterns. If a woman starts using male behavior patterns in a competitive environment - for example, she becomes assertive, demanding, which is sometimes required in a competitive environment, then men or, more simply, "brave" men don't like it. Feminine - More "feminine" (these are so-called "sissy"), such models may look attractive because they are used to obedience.
Take care of the man! If a woman is ready to fight for her man, for the happiness of the family, how should she behave when her husband has a problem in bed?
At the very least, you need to put him to sleep. Completely stop any criticism -- even if women find it constructive. Ask for forgiveness for past mistakes. Indicates that she does not need sex for at least a week. It's time to get to know each other better. In this context - daily relaxing massage oil. You need to do them one by one. If there is no positive motivation in this context, you should definitely go to a sexologist who can find the medical and hidden psychological causes of the condition. It's important to explain to the person that "guilty" and "sick" will not be searched for at the reception. To improve the quality of your sex life, a meeting with a doctor is a must - it's possible!
Is there an example in your practice where a woman helped a man build confidence in himself - in any sense?
- I'll tell you about my nearest patient's wife. Her behavior is amazing! I was approached by an entrepreneur who was hit hard by the new economic conditions. Many problems fell on him, and under the pressure, his attraction to his wife began to decline. But most of all, he was worried about how he would tell her that maybe, soon he might lose his business completely, they would have no money, and they would be in debt. . . but his wife is used to a high level of living. . . I suggestShe tells her everything. If not close people, who will support us in difficult times? My gut didn't let me down. The patient at the next appointment reported that his wife listened to him and said, "It's okay, if this happens, I'll go to work too. Anyway, I fell in love with you when you were a poor student. I love you now. , no matter what happens, I will always love you. With that sentence alone, the man has strength, the panic is gone, and things are better for him - in every sense. On the last date, heTell me: "I will never leave my wife - I will remember this day for the rest of my life! "I think this woman deserves his love. I have a peaceful relationship with them. I want people to love, appreciate, respect, support each other more. And these are not words, but actions.